


You Were Holding Me and I Fell Asleep

by ailaikclarke



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alex Danvers & Lena Luthor Friendship, Endgame Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, F/F, I am Supercorp Trash, Kara Danvers Needs a Hug, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Parents Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor, SuperCorp, Supercorp child, Supercorp endgame
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2021-02-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:35:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25249261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ailaikclarke/pseuds/ailaikclarke
Summary: A daughter from the future, a massive problem to solve and two women who refuse to have a conversation (or to go to therapy)ORKara and Lena's child from the future pays them a visit and explains why their current situation is making life impossible for her.
Relationships: Kara Danvers & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 240
Kudos: 894





	1. Beyond Your Command

Kara enjoyed her routine.

It was easier to wake up every morning knowing that she had her whole day planned, she needed to keep herself busy to stop from constantly thinking about Lena.

Whenever she had nothing to do, her mind would wander in search of the green-eyed brunette, and she’d start picturing her in her L-Corp office, concentrating on some new project or mumbling about being tired.

If she kept busy, it didn’t happen as frequently. She didn’t have the time to think about Lena, she didn’t have time to cry about Lena and she most definitely didn’t have time to call Lena.

Her sister was worried she was working herself to death, but Kara couldn’t bring herself to stop. She couldn’t imagine a day where she would wake up with nothing to do, nothing to write, nothing to fight. She had to keep busy, or she risked losing her mind.  
  


“There’s someone here to see you.” Brainy said, and Kara felt uneasy.

She was secretly hoping it’d be Lena, even though she was almost certain it couldn’t be. “Who is it?”

“A young woman saying she really needs your help.” He explained, and she could tell he thought she was pathetic. Waiting for Lena to reach out for her, waiting for her best friend to tell her that it was all a misunderstanding and that they were fine. “It seemed urgent.”

Kara nodded, mostly to herself, then got up. She’d spent the morning working on an article that was due on Monday, with Alex coming to see her every once in a while to remind her that she could work from home since it was a Sunday.

She followed Brainy, briefly wondering how this person could know about the DEO. She shrugged, supposing she’d get her answers very soon. Brainy pointed towards one of the conference rooms, where Kara could see a person she didn’t recognize. She opened the door, noticing that the young woman was facing the opposite direction.

Once the young woman turned around, Kara felt dizzy. It wasn’t Lena, but the young woman sure did look like her. She had lighter hair, but the eyes were the same shade of green.

“Hello.”

Even the voice sounded similar.

Kara shook her head, trying to regain her composure. “How can I help you?”

“I can tell that you were a bit surprised when you saw me.” The young woman commented, smiling softly. “I don’t think there’s an easy way to say what I’m about to tell you, so I’ll just go for it, if that’s alright.”

The blonde nodded, still feeling confused. “Yeah, sure, go ahead.”

“My name is Elsie.” The young woman said. “And, ehm… I’m your daughter.”

Kara grinned. “I don’t have any children, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know why I bothered imagining how you’d react, I knew this was exactly what you were going to say.” Elsie replied. “I might not have a father, but you sure love dad jokes.”

The older woman swallowed hard. “Wait, are you for real?”

“Yes.” Elsie nodded. “I come from the future.”

Kara shook her head. “No, that’s impossible. I mean, it’s possible, but…”

“I came here because I need your help.” She whispered. “I can…. I can prove to you that I’m your daughter, but I really do need your help.”

Kara was starting to feel dizzy and decided to sit down. She couldn’t bring herself to look at Elsie, even though she was a dream come true. “I, uhm… I need to call my sister.”

“Because you’re feeling sick or because you think I’m some kind of fugitive?”

Kara did look at her then. She stared at her for a full minute, trying to take in what she’d just been told. By looking at her, Kara instantly knew that she was indeed her daughter and she had an idea of who might be her other parent. “This is a lot to take in.”

“I’m assuming you trust me, then.”

Kara sighed. “You… You look just like her.”

“Yeah, I know.” Elsie smiled. “I wasn’t sure about how to do this, but I figured you might see her in me and realise that I’m not bullshitting or something.”

Kara gasped. “Language!”

“I already have one of you to deal with on my daily life.” Elsie commented. “Be normal, please.”

The older woman got up, looking at Elsie once more. “I’ll go get Alex, don’t move.”

Elsie nodded as Kara left the room, unable to process what she’d found out. She couldn’t believe that she’d seen her future daughter and she couldn’t believe that she was going to have a daughter with the woman who currently refused to speak to her.

She had started losing hope in fixing their relationship, but the young woman standing in the conference room was the proof that they were going to work things out. She was the proof that they were not only going to mend their relationship, but that the feelings she’d been experiencing were mutual.

“Alex, can you quickly come with me?”

Her sister nodded, looking alarmed. “Everything okay?”

“There’s someone in the conference room, and she needs our help.” Kara explained.

Alex nodded, walking by her side. “Alright, seems like normal business.”

“Yeah, except that she’s my daughter.”

Her sister gasped, stopping on her tracks. “You’re kidding me.”

“I’m not.” Kara replied. “She told me she can prove it to me, but I don’t think I need any proof.”

As they reached the conference room, Kara could feel that Alex was stunned. She hadn’t said a word, but her eyes expressed pretty well what was going on inside her head. Kara felt the same. Surprised, yet weirdly happy about the discovery. She felt like her legs were about to give in, the excitement was making her shake.

Upon seeing Elsie, Alex had the same reaction. She could see Lena in the young woman’s eyes, and she couldn’t deny it. “Oh, wow.”

“Hello, aunt Alex.”

Alex gasped. “Oh, _wow_.”

“What do you need our help with?” Kara asked, looking concerned. She knew that time travel was something people used only as a last resort and she was afraid that something really bad had happened in Elsie’s present.

“I don’t know how or if you’ll be able to help me, but I think you’re the only people who can actually do something.” Elsie began. “It looks like I am disappearing from my own reality and it’s not a good sign.”


	2. It's a Small World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys so much for the love! I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed and I really hope you'll keep enjoying the story as it progresses. I currently have eight chapters ready, but I'm thinking this could run for about twelve/fifteen chapters. If you guys have any suggestions, feel free to comment and tell me what you think should or might happen!

Kara decided she’d better sit down again. Alex was still standing by the door, silently looking at who appeared to be her niece, seldom whispering “oh, wow”.

“What do you mean?”

Elsie shrugged. “I don’t really know. I woke up yesterday and realised that I was kind of… Fading?”

“Fading.” Kara repeated. “Is that something that happens?”

She was still staring at her, reminding herself that she was indeed talking to her own daughter.

She had Lena’s eyes, the eyes that had made her fall in love, the eyes that made her weak to her knees even when she was wearing her Supergirl uniform. The same shade of green that Kara seemed to see everywhere.

She noticed that Elsie’s hair was similar to hers, definitely lighter in colour if compared to Lena’s, but not as light as Kara’s.

She also noticed a scar that went from her left ear to just under her eye and couldn’t help but wonder how she got it.

“It looks like it does.” Elsie replied.

Kara sighed. “Any idea why?”

“Are you guys together right now?”

Kara swallowed hard, closing her eyes for a second. “Uhm… No.”

“You should be.” Her daughter whispered. “This is 2020, right?”

_You should be._

She’d ruined everything.

They were meant to be together, but it wasn’t going to happen anymore. The hope she’d recently rediscovered suddenly vanished, leaving her with a sinking feeling in her stomach.

Learning about Elsie had made her believe that they were bound to reconcile and get together at some point in the near future, but the newest discovery showed her the truth.

“July 2020, yes.”

Elsie seemed to think about something for a moment. “You always tell me that you got together on a stormy night, in early 2020.”

“We, uhm…” Kara hesitated.

Alex cleared her voice. “Your mothers are not on speaking terms, at the moment.”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.” Elsie sighed. “Why not? You have to fix it, immediately!”

Kara shook her head. “It’s not as easy as it seems.”

“You’re bloody Supergirl.” Elsie commented. “Are you telling me that you can’t fix this? You not speaking means that you won’t get all sappy and profess your love for one another and that means no Elsie.”

Kara didn’t know what to say.

Alex, on the other hand, looked ready to fight. “We have to call Lena.”

“I haven’t…” Kara took a deep breath. “I can’t…”

“I’ll call her.” Alex interrupted her. “I’m positive she wouldn’t come here if you asked her, but we need her to be here. She needs to know.”

Kara nodded. “She does.”

“Are you sure, mama?” Elsie asked, suddenly looking worried.

Kara nodded, pretending not to be stunned by Elsie calling her mama. “Yeah, she’ll know what to do.”

“I mean, can’t you like… Talk to her and fix things?” Elsie continued. “I don’t think we need to tell her.”

Alex shook her head. “I’m calling her right now.”

She quickly got up, leaving the conference room as she dialled Lena’s number. Kara wasn’t sure if she was ready to see the brunette, but she knew it had to be done. She might have an idea on how to fix Elsie’s future and, even if she didn’t, she deserved to know.

“Are you okay?”

She’s just been called “mama”. _Mama_. The young woman standing in front of her saw her as her mother and she didn’t know how she felt about that.

Elsie nodded quickly. “Yeah, just scared.”

“She’ll be here in ten minutes.” Alex told me as she walked back to her chair. “She was very annoyed at me, but that woman always says yes when I ask her to help me with something.”

As the minutes passed, Kara felt like her heart was going to explode. How was she going to explain all this to someone who had refused to speak to her for weeks?

“Can you tell her?” Elsie asked after a moment.

Kara didn’t think that she could do it and she looked at Alex. “We’ll do it together.”

Elsie seemed more worried as time passed, but Kara couldn’t understand why. Once she saw Lena walking towards the conference room, the superhero felt like her heart was going to stop. Or explode, she wasn’t too sure.

The brunette noticed her from outside and stopped. She glanced at Alex, who quickly got up and went to meet her. Kara stared at the two of them talking and she could tell that Lena was fuming.

After a while, she saw Lena nodding and walking towards the door. Kara braced herself, even though she noticed that Alex looked hopeful.

Lena walked in, glancing between Kara and Elsie for a moment, then looking back at Alex. “So?”

“I’m your daughter.” Elsie blurted out, her eyes filling up with tears.

Lena looked stunned, with her eyes wide open. “I’m sorry, what?”

Before any of them could say anything, Lena raised her left hand. She was quickly glancing between Kara and Elsie, her mouth hanging open and her hands shaking. “Oh, my fucking God.”

“That’s what I thought.” Alex whispered.

Lena shook her head. “How... What the fuck?”

“That’s what _I_ thought.” Kara commented.

“Guys, this is not funny.” Lena continued. “Absolutely not funny. I can’t believe you made me come all the way to the bloody DEO to prank me. I am a busy woman, did you forget that I run a multi-billion company? By my fucking self?”

She was met with silence, and Lena realised that it wasn’t a prank. She was looking at her daughter. A daughter who looked too much like a mix between her and her former best friend.

No, she was losing her mind.

That was impossible.

“What year are you from?”

Elsie took a deep breath. “2039.”

“How old are you?”

Another deep breath. “Sixteen.”

“Impossible.”

Once again, Lena was met with silence. She couldn’t believe it, she didn’t have anyone to have children with, she didn’t even have time to think about having children.

“And who’s supposed to be your other parent?”

Elsie was silent.

Lena looked at her. “Oh.”

Maybe it was possible.

Kara sighed. “I know, it’s hard to believe, but…”

“No, please.” Lena interrupted her. “Don’t say anything.”

“You can ask me anything.” Else spoke up. “I know it’s hard to believe, especially considering your current situation, but I came here because I need your help.”

Lena seemed to think about it for a second, then nodded. “Elaborate, please.”

While Elsie explained what was happening in her time, Kara couldn’t stop looking at Lena. The brunette was paying attention to what Elsie was saying, and Kara could see all the different emotions going through her brain. She started out as surprised, then confused, finally worried.

“Okay, we’ll figure it out. We always do.” Lena said once Elsie was done explaining. “Can I have a moment alone with Kara, please?”


	3. Recipe for Disaster

Alex and Elsie walked to the cafeteria, where they both sat down and just breathed for a moment.

“You know... Kara might not have noticed because she was too preoccupied with finally seeing the love of her life after weeks, but I saw you tearing up when Lena walked in.” Alex whispered, sitting down.

Elsie shrugged. “I was excited about seeing her.”

“I mean, fair enough, but…” Alex pursed her lips. “Don’t you see her often in your time?”

Her niece shrugged again, staring at the ground. “She works a lot, I don’t get to see her often.”

“You’re a terrible liar, just like my sister.”

Elsie looked at her for a moment. She looked uncertain, and she was starting to tear up again. “She’s, uhm…”

“You can tell me anything, I promise I won’t tell them.” Alex replied. “Are they separated?”

Elsie shook her head. “Oh, no… I didn’t think it would be possible for them to be separated, that’s why I was so surprised when I came here.”

“What’s wrong, then?”

The younger girl sighed. “She died when I was six. I don’t remember much, I don’t think I have any real recollection of seeing her in person, I only know what she looks like because of pictures.”

“Oh, Elsie.” Alex whispered. “I’m so sorry.”

Her niece shrugged. “It’s okay. They can’t know, though.”

“You can spend time with her while you’re here. Ge to know her, learn why your other mother loves her so deeply and find out in which ways you’re like her.” Alex commented. “She’s extremely smart, though. She might notice that something’s up.”

Elsie smiled. “I’ve been told that she’s a highly intelligent woman.”

“Annoyingly intelligent.” Alex rolled her eyes. “She’s also oblivious sometimes.”

Elsie smiled to herself. “That’s what you’re always telling me.”

“Am I a super cool aunt?”

Her niece nodded. “Is there any hope in them getting together?”

“It’s hard to tell.” Alex admitted. “They love each other very much, that’s all I can tell you.”

Her niece sighed. “Whatever happened between them is a mistake, something that wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“That doesn’t mean that it can’t be fixed.”

Before Elsie could reply, the cafeteria door opened, and Kara and Lena appeared in the doorway. “It seems like we don’t have a plan.”

Alex gasped. “How do you mean?”

“Well, there’s nothing that we can do, really.” Lena explained. “The only way to fix this fading issue is to be a couple and have a child. I don’t see that happening for us. Not in the near future, at least.”

Kara seemed defeated. “You’ve told me that, in your timeline, we got together in early 2020. That means that we’re already six months too late.”

“Are you telling me that I’m simply going to disappear from existence? Because you’re not willing to mend your bloody relationship?” Elsie asked, getting up. “You do realise that you two not talking for whatever reason means that I have to die, right?”

Kara shook her head. “I think I know where she got her temperament from.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Lena asked, raising an eyebrow at her.

The blonde shrugged. “We’re not giving up, but we can’t assure you that we’ll fix our relationship in time for you to be born.”

“Or at all.”

Elsie sighed, looking at her mothers. “You have to do something.”

“Elsie, I’ll be honest here.” Lena said, pursing her lips. “I think something happened in our time and that something changed your fate. I do not think you’re destined to be born.

The younger girl inhaled sharply. “You’ve got to be kidding me. You’re supposed to be like the smartest woman in this whole freaking world, and you’re not even willing to try. You really are a Luthor, uh? Unwilling to help if there’s nothing for you to gain.”

“Unfair and uncalled for.” Lena commented, glaring at her. “I do get where you’re coming from, though. I’m sorry I appear to be unwilling to help, but I don’t think there’s much to do here. You have to understand that your mother and I are not even on speaking terms at the moment.”

Elsie couldn’t bring herself to look at her. “I’m sorry for what I said, I didn’t mean it. I’m…”

“Upset.” Lena interrupted her. “It’s alright, you don’t have to apologize for your feelings. I understand.”

Her daughter shook her head. “No, I know better. You raised me to be a good person, not a bitch who insults people for no reason. I’m sorry.”

“Do you carry my surname?” Lena asked, looking at her.

Elsie nodded, remaining silent.

“Do you get bullied for it?”

The younger girl shrugged. “Sometimes, yes.”

“I’m sorry.” Lena whispered. “I guess I don’t succeed in trying to fix our reputation.”

Alex quickly glanced at her niece. She was trying to imagine what she was going through, having a deep conversation with the woman who was her mother, but who she never really got to meet. Maybe Lena didn’t succeed in fixing the Luthor name, maybe she didn’t succeed because she didn’t have enough time to do it. Elsie couldn’t tell her the truth, she couldn’t tell her that she didn’t fail because she didn’t fight enough, but she failed because she wasn’t given enough time.

“I guess you can’t share too much, though.” Lena continued. “I’m still sorry.”

Elsie finally looked at her, wiping away the tears from her cheeks. “It’s bizarre to find myself in a situation where I’d really like to hug you and tell you how much I love you, but you see me as a stranger who means nothing.”

“I think I know where you got that from.” Lena commented, glancing at Kara.

The blonde smiled, taking a step forward. “I can’t speak for the both of us, but you can give me a hug, if you want.”

“I’d love to.” Elsie whispered.

The two hugged, and Kara didn’t know how to explain what she was feeling. For the first time in a very long time, she felt complete. She felt like her life finally made sense and like a whole in her heart had been filled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you might not be happy with this choice but... Please remember that the future can always change.


	4. The Oceans Divide

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I still can't believe how much love this story is getting!

“It’s a hard concept to grasp.” Lena whispered. “And I am a bloody genius.”

Alex nodded, sipping her coffee. “I can imagine.”

“I wish there was something we could do.” Lena commented. “Something that would actually make a difference. I can’t force feelings, though. Can I?”

The older girl shook her head. “You can’t force feelings, but you can have a conversation with her. You can try talking it through, pointing out where you both made mistakes and try to see if there’s a way to mend your relationship. Nobody says you have to, but there is a life at stake.”

“When you put it like that…”

“Saving Elsie’s life is not like what we do every day here at the DEO, I’ll give you that.” Alex continued. “It’s still a life that we have to save, though. It’s still someone we can help, even though it might be in an unconventional way.”

Lena took a deep breath, staring at her own cup of coffee. “How did my life get this weird?”

“I woke up this morning feeling spry, like I could face anything.” Alex commented. “I never once stopped to think that coming to work today meant getting to meet my niece from the future. How’s that something that happens on a regular Sunday?”

The younger girl sighed. “I really have no idea.”

Once Elsie and Kara came back from the cafeteria, the mood seemed to change. Kara and Lena had trouble maintaining a regular conversation and they only spoke when they had to discuss something about Elsie. They knew they had to sit down and talk, but neither of them felt ready.

“So, I was thinking…” Kara began. “Elsie is going to need a place to sleep.”

Lena nodded. “She can stay with me.”

“Why you?”

The brunette raised an eyebrow at her. “You live in a one-bedroom apartment.”

“Fair enough.” Kara nodded. “But I want to see her often.”

Lena pursed her lips. “Is this your way of saying that you’ll come to my house whenever you feel like it?”

“No, I mean that I want to take her out for food and stuff. Often.”

“Did you find out that she’s a secret nerd like you?”

Kara gasped, shaking her head. “Sadly, she’s more your kind of nerd.”

“Interesting.” Lena replied. “How so?”

Elsie smiled. “I told her I’m in college.”

“That’s marvellous.” Lena commented. “Very impressive. What are you majoring in?”

“Chemical engineering.”

Kara rolled her eyes. “See? Your kind of nerd.”

“I hope I didn’t force you into it.” Lena whispered.

Elsie quickly shook her head. “No, you didn’t.”

Lena frowned, then sighed. “Alright, my place it is, then. Do you have any... Belongings with you?”

“Not really.” Elsie replied. “This was an impulse decision, really.”

Kara gasped. “Did you tell us about what you were doing?”

“Ehm…”

“Elsie!”

Kara shook her head. “I must be worried sick.”

“Yeah, very likely.” Elsie and Lena said at the same time.

Alex cleared her voice. “How about I take my nerd niece out for some shopping while you two do some talking?”

The pair looked alarmed, but they both nodded, nonetheless. Elsie smiled gratefully and her aunt as they left the room and Kara and Lena were left in an uncomfortable silence.

“Isn’t this weird?” Kara asked.

Lena nodded. “I was telling Alex about how strange this whole thing feels. A daughter…”

“You know, I….” Kara took a deep breath. “I wanted to say that I have always imagined myself as a mother but that I have never pictured who I’d share that experience with. I wanted to tell you that I don’t think we’re going to save Elsie’s life, because there’s no way we’re ever going to be the parents she knows. I wanted to tell you a lot of things, but they’re all lies…”

The brunette inhaled sharply. “I wasn’t even surprised when I figured out that you were her other parent.”

“You weren’t?”

Lena shook her head. “No. It stunned me, because of all the things that have been happening, but I wasn’t surprised. I might have thought about it a few times before.”

“I didn’t…”

The young CEO smiled to herself. “I pictured you as the mother of my children, I think that’s why this whole ordeal broke me. I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone as much or as deeply as I love you.”

“I’m sorry, Lena.” Kara whispered. “I had so many things that I pictured for the two of us, a future together, a lifetime to spend loving each other…”

Lena frowned. “Our timing was terrible.”

“It really was.” Kara agreed. “I know I’ve said it a thousand times before, but I am really sorry. All those things I said that day…”

She couldn’t bring herself to continue.

She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to remember the day she’d ruined everything. Trying to remember what breaking Lena’s heart had felt like.

“You were scared.” Lena interrupted her. “I was very drunk, very mean and very sad.”

Kara breathed hard. “Do you think there’s hope for us?”

“I do think so, yes.” Lena whispered. “I’m sorry for shutting you out.”

The blonde shook her head. “You were right to do so. I mean, you told me that you were in love with me and I told you that I could never be with you.”

“I did get your letter.” Lena whispered. “I wrote you something, too.”

Kara’s eyes widened. “You did?”

“Yeah.” The brunette was silent for a moment, then sighed heavily. “I think this is progress, but it’s as much as I can take for one day.”

“Yeah, it’s been a long day.” Kara commented. “Between finding out that we have a daughter and trying to communicate… And to think I came here this morning thinking I’d spend the whole day writing.”

_Dear Lena,_

_I came to see you today and you told me something I’ve been dreaming for a very long time. It was unexpected and terrifying, and I fucked up. I fucked up and I don’t know how to fix this._  
I’m writing this letter because I’m terrible at expressing my feelings, even though you’re always telling me about how you’re the one who’s terrible with feelings.  
After all, I’m a writer and this is what I do best. Hopefully, I can make you understand how I truly feel and how today was big mistake.

_I have so many things that I want you to know, I’m not even sure where to start._

_It’s raining outside and I can picture you sitting in your office, a glass of some sort of alcoholic drink in hand, looking at the night-time sky. I know rain calms you down and I’m sure you need some tranquillity in your life. I always saw myself as someone that could bring peace to your life, but I’m pretty sure I ruined that today._

_It didn’t even take me that long, I whispered a sentence and ruined everything._

_I don’t even know why I said that, I don’t know why I thought it’d be an appropriate answer to what you told me, but I guess some days my brain just doesn’t want to cooperate. Or, maybe, fear is really powerful sometimes._

_Of all the things I want to tell you, the first one is that I’m sorry. I’m terribly sorry. That was not the reaction you were expecting and, most definitely, not the reaction you deserved. You poured out your heart and I stomped over it, breaking it and you in one go._

_I’ll be honest, those words you said surprised me and scared me at the same time. I did not expect you to tell me that you’re in love with me and I still feel my legs tremble at the thought. When those words reached my ears, I believed I was going to pass out. I felt like everything finally made sense, but I also felt this weird urge to run away._

_I kept telling myself that it was the alcohol speaking, you know? You couldn’t really be in love with me. That didn’t make sense. At all._

_It might be because it all started with a bit of yelling from the both of us, but I should have known better._

_I froze and blurted out the first thing that came to mind. The first lie that came to mind. They say true love can be scary, and I guess it got the best of me. I’m not trying to make excuses for myself, because I behaved in a terrible manner, but I hope you can somehow give me the benefit of the doubt and forgive me for being such an idiot._

_The rest is something I wish to tell you in person, if you’ll let me._

_I’ll be waiting for you to reach out to me. I don’t expect you to do it anytime soon, I get why you want your space and you need to be by yourself for a while, I really do. I still wish you’ll find it in your heart to forgive me._

_Kara_


	5. You Took My Hand

“Absolutely not.”

Elsie pouted. “Please.”

“No.”

Kara sighed. “Please, Lena. Can we?”

“Fine.” The brunette replied, rolling her eyes. “I can’t believe I went from having zero kids to having two.”

Elsie and Kara high fived as they both walked to the kitchen counter. Kara knew that Lena kept take out menus in the first drawer and she couldn’t wait to have her first dinner with their daughter. Even though it was still hard for them to be in the same room, Lena had asked her if she wanted to have dinner at her house.

She had explained she didn’t want Elsie to feel left alone, but Kara knew it was because she feared Elsie didn’t really like her. They had both noticed that Elsie would behave in a strange way whenever Lena was around, but they couldn’t quite understand why.

Lena was enjoying a glass of Whiskey when the two came back from the kitchen, grinning at her. “I hope you remembered that there’s only the three of us tonight.”

“I think you’ll be surprised.”

Lena took a sip of her drink. “I’m always surprised when I watch you eat.”

“How mad would you be if I told you that I’m the same?” Elsie asked.

Her mother sighed. “Have I filed for bankruptcy in your time?”

“Not yet.” Elsie replied.

Kara couldn’t ignore the change in Elsie’s voice. She had gone from happy and excited to cold and distant in the spawn of a minute. She was probably tired, it’d been a long day. She also noticed how sad Lena looked, even though she was desperately trying to hide it.

“Do you like sports, Elsie?” Kara asked.

Elsie nodded. “Yeah, but I’m terrible at everything I try. I’m a watcher, more than a player.”

“What about music?” Lena asked her.

Elsie nodded again. “I play the piano. You started teaching me when I was very young.”

“Did I?” Lena sounded surprised.

Her daughter smiled. It was small and timid, but it was a smile. “Yeah, I started going to private lessons when I was about seven.”

“You must be really good, then.” Lena smiled back.

Elsie shrugged, blushing slightly. “Not as good as you.”

The doorbell rang, and Kara rushed to get their food. When she came back, Lena rolled her eyes at her. “You didn’t tell me you were organizing a party.”

“Elsie told me she eats as much as I do.” Kara commented. “I couldn’t risk running out of potstickers.”

Lena sighed, smiling softly. “My life is very challenging.”

Elsie did eat as much as Kara, and Lena couldn’t help but look at the two of them interacting. She was fascinated at how comfortable the two seemed to be around each other and she was kind of jealous of how in sync they seemed to be.

She understood why Elsie was so in sync with Kara. After all, she’d known her her whole life. Lena couldn’t picture Kara changing much in the future, she had this idea that aging wasn’t going to change all the things that made Kara so special.

Elsie was calling Kara “mama”.

She was calling Alex “aunt Alex.”

But she wasn’t calling her anything.

“Why are you guys so weird around each other?” Elsie asked after grabbing the last spring roll.

Lena hesitated. “We had a difficult conversation a few weeks back and it didn’t exactly go as planned.”

“You’re not talking to each other because of an uncomfortable conversation?”

Kara shook her head. “We hurt each other, and we’re trying to fix that.”

“Sometimes you say things that you don’t mean, and you end up hurting someone you love.” Lena commented. “You might already know this, but I have a tendency to hold grudges.”

The blonde smiled. “And I suck at expressing my feelings.”

“So do I.”

Lena looked amused. “Which one?”

“Both.”

Once again, Lena felt overwhelmed. She had so many things she wanted to ask, so many things she wanted to know, so many memories she wanted to embrace… She couldn’t bring herself to ask more questions, fearing she might break the comfortable silence.

Kara was the first one to speak up. “How did you manage to travel back in time?”

“I don’t think I can tell you how I actually did it, mama.” Elsie replied. “I reckon I can share that it was L-Corp technology.”

Lena smirked. “I mean, I would hope so.”

“Time travel, huh?” Kara asked, looking at her. “You sure like to diversify.”

The brunette shrugged, taking a sip of her wine. “I’m a woman of many talents.”

“Elsie, I meant to ask.” Kara suddenly chimed in. “Do you know why we named you Elsie? Is there a story behind it?”

Her daughter nodded. “You actually named me Lily Camilla, because you’re extra.”

“Why Elsie, then?”

She shrugged. “It’s a bit of a mouthful when you have to introduce yourself as Lily Camilla Danvers-Luthor, especially when you’re three. I think it was aunt Alex who started calling me LC, then it kind of became Elsie.”

They spent the rest of the night talking about random things, with the two older women worried Elsie might share too much information about their future. Once they decided that they were tired enough to go to sleep, Lena showed Elsie to her bedroom.

“There’s towels in the wardrobe if you feel like taking a shower.” Lena explained. “There’s fresh pyjamas on the bed and a new toothbrush in the bathroom. Just shout my name if you need anything, alright?”

Elsie nodded. “Thank you.”

Lena noticed that she wasn’t looking at her but decided not to say anything. “I, uhm… There’s food in the kitchen if you get hungry and you can always order stuff if you don’t find stuff that you like.”

Elsie remained silent, still staring at the ground.

Lena sighed, walking towards the door. “Goodnight, Elsie.”

“Goodnight.”

She walked back to the living room, where she found Kara waiting for her with a glass of her favourite Whiskey on the coffee table.

“You wanna talk about it?”

_My dearest Kara,_

_Never once in my life did I picture myself writing a love letter._

_I have written letters in my life before but they were mostly used to express how terrible my mother used to make me feel and how I secretly wished she’d love me as much as she loved Lex. Pathetic, maybe, but I was so young and so terribly naïve._

_This is new and different, I guess it could be good. I think I’ll stick to my usual letter-writing behaviour and I will not give you this letter. I’ll write it for my eyes only, to give myself some sort of peace. Or closure, I’m not sure._

_You were right, I was indeed looking at the rain while drinking that night._

_I was doing that even before you came to see me, which is probably why I was so mean and terrifyingly different from what I usually try to be. I don’t really know what happened, all I know is that we both fucked up, and now I’m too proud to admit it._

_We were fighting, the usual petty fight about me feeling like you don’t trust me enough and you having to confirm for the 100 th time that DEO business means that you’re following rules. _

_I was so mad that day, meeting after meeting, entitled man after entitled man telling me that I shouldn’t be running this company or that they’d be better than me at it, a project in the lab going wrong and I chose to build all that anger inside of me and then throw it all at you._

_I told you that I’m in love with you and your answer was to tell me that you could never be with me._

_You didn’t offer an explanation, and my Luthor brain told me it was because you don’t actually care about me. It told me that you secretly hate me for who I am and you, like everyone else, believe that I’m evil and deserve to die a terribly painful death._

_That’s why I started yelling at you for no apparent reason._

_That was my fight or flight response. I chose to fight, I chose to defend myself, I chose to show the both of us that I do not need anyone to love me. I needed to prove to myself that I don’t need you to love me back to be happy._

_Was I wrong? Yes._

_Were you wrong? Also, yes._

_Are we fucked up? Most definitely._

_I’m trying, Kara. I promise I am. One day I’ll be ready to face you again, and we’ll be fine._


	6. Holding Back the Tears

A full week had passed since Elsie’s arrival. Nothing major had happened between Kara and Lena, even though they were constantly trying to communicate better. Lena had a hard time coming to terms with her feelings for Kara, mainly because she felt like having Elsie there was pushing her to do something she wasn’t ready for. Kara still felt like she was going to pass out anytime she even thought about being with Lena and she was also feeling like she was supposed to rush into something that terrified her.

“I think I’m a terrible mother to Elsie.” Lena whispered.

Kara frowned. “Why would you say that?”

“She seems warmer when she’s with you, and she’s always super cold and distant whenever she’s with me. Maybe I’m too strict, maybe I’m too cold. Maybe I’m destined to fuck up as a parent. Why would you ever want a kid with me?”

The blonde looked at her, feeling the tears forming behind her eyes. “I can’t believe you truly think that.”

“Kara, face the truth.” Lena replied. “I grew up with terrible role models and, even though it’s not an excuse, it was to be expected. I’m a terrible parent.”

After a moment of silent, Lena spoke again. “Maybe I work too much. Maybe I expect too much from her and never let her breathe. Maybe she’s scared of me because I punish her too much. Maybe she hates me because I’m cold hearted. I always thought I’d be different, but I guess I was born to be a terrible parent.”

“You’re not terrible.”

Elsie’s voice was like a whisper, almost inaudible to Lena’s ears, but loud and clear to Kara’s. The young girl walked to the kitchen, frowning.

“You’re not terrible.” She repeated. “You’re dead.”

Lena’s eyes widened as she inhaled sharply. “Dead?”

“Yes.”

Her mother frowned. “But you’re sixteen, you’re so young.”

“How can you think that you’re a terrible mother?” Elsie asked. “You’ve known me for a week and your first thought upon finding out that you’re dead is that I’m too young to have lost a parent rather than thinking that you’re too young to be dead.”

Lena glanced at Kara, who was blinking away the tears. “How… Did it happen long ago?”

“I was six.” Elsie replied and Lena felt her heart skip a beat. “We were in a car accident together, that’s how I got my scar.”

Lena was at loss for words. “You were there?”

“I don’t remember much.” Elsie admitted. “I remember you were holding me, then I fell asleep.”

Lena had pictured a lot of scenarios when imagining herself as a mother.

All of those scenarios involved her being a terrible mother and Elsie hating her for it.

None of them involved her dying and leaving her daughter without a parent.

“I shouldn’t have said anything.” Elsie whispered after a while. “But I overheard you telling mama all those terrible things about yourself and I couldn’t…”

Lena closed the gap between them, wrapping her daughter in a tight hug. “You might resemble me more in physicality, but you’re just like her. Kind-hearted, caring and exceptionally brave.”

Kara was staring at them from a distance. She had noticed Elsie’s weird behaviour around Lena, but she would have never thought that the reason why she was different with her was because she was dead.

She couldn’t picture a life without Lena. She had experienced what it meant not to have her by her side, but she had the knowledge that she was healthy and alive.

Once they parted, Kara noticed that they were both crying. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Lena replied. “I imagine it might be hard for you to see me, I’m sorry you didn’t have anyone to talk to about it.”

Elsie smiled. “Aunt Alex knows. She noticed that I started crying the first day you walked in and I kind of told her.”

Kara desperately wanted to say something, but nothing seemed appropriate. She was experiencing so many feelings and thoughts and she was starting to feel confused about it all.

Lena had so many questions she wanted to ask, but she also wasn’t sure if she wanted to know the answers. Elsie had experienced what she had to endure as a child and Lena felt heartbroken. She knew what it meant to lose a parent at such a young age, and she also knew what it meant to witness the death of your own mother.

She wondered if Elsie had felt as powerless as she had felt when her mother drowned.

“Do you remember anything about me?” Lena asked.

Elsie shrugged. “Not much. I have some moments that I remember, but I don’t know if I’m actually remembering stuff or if it’s because of all the stories mama and aunt Alex have told me. I do remember the first few weeks after the accident… They’d told me that you were gone, but I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I kept asking about you, thinking that you’d eventually come back and everything would go back to normal.”

“You were so little…” Kara finally said.

“I was, but you raised me as if she’d been with you.” Elsie commented. “I know it might sound weird, but I think you did certain things because you thought she’d do them. You were always talking to me about the importance of education, you insisted on getting someone to teach me how to play chess and you always tried to make me eat healthy foods at least once a week. You also took me to L-Corp once or twice a week, just like she used to.”

Lena smiled to herself, picturing Kara and a younger Elsie walking around L-Corp. “Why?”

“Because she believed it would be my future.” Elsie explained. “She’s always telling me that L-Corp was your creation and it’s important to keep it going and to keep it a force for good. You were taking me there when I was a baby, there’s pictures of me on your desk and I look like I’m about two weeks old.”

The brunette smiled. “That does sound like me.”

“Can I show you something?”

Her mother nodded. “Of course.”

Elsie took a step forward, grabbing her wallet from her pocket. She took out a small picture, handing it to Lena. It was a picture of the two of them, smiling at the camera. Elsie was holding an ice cream cone with no ice cream on top, and Lena couldn’t help but shed a couple of tears.

“This was from the day we had the accident. I dropped my ice cream and I was crying for like half an hour until mama told me she’d take me to see you, then I was happy and stopped crying. You had this weird calming power over me… I don’t know how to explain it, you didn’t have to do anything, it was having you there that calmed me.” Elsie whispered. “Mama gave me a framed version of this same picture as a birthday present when I turned fourteen. It’s very special.”

Lena nodded. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

“So did you, right?”


	7. Don't Forget About Me

Lena was sitting on a chair outside, staring at the stars.

Elsie was finally asleep in her bedroom, and Kara had agreed to leave her alone. She had offered to stay and talk about what Elsie had shared with them, but Lena had replied that she needed to be alone.

Elsie was going to grow up without her.

Everything was starting to make sense.

Of course she wasn’t comfortable with her, she didn’t know her. She had never spent time with her, she had no real memories of what it meant to have her as a mother, and she probably didn’t know what she was really like.

Lena realised that Elsie was scared of getting too attached, because she knew she was going back to a future where Lena wasn’t there. She had to be cold and distant, to avoid getting hurt.

 _Again_.

It was about three in the morning when she heard footsteps behind her, and she turned around to see Elsie walking towards her.

“I can’t sleep.”

Lena smiled, patting the chair next to hers. “Me neither.”

“I’m sorry I told you.”

Her mother shook her head. “It’s okay. Is there something you want to know about me? Something you never dared asking Kara or Alex?”

“There’s a lot of things that they could never really tell me.” Elsie commented. “I always wanted to know how you felt about losing your biological mother and I’m now wondering if you think we’re cursed or something. Mama told me you witnessed your mother dying when you were four.”

Lena nodded. “I felt powerless, mostly. I was very young, and I think I spent a long time blaming myself, because I didn’t do anything. I stood there, I didn’t call for help, I didn’t scream… I didn’t do anything. It took me a long time to realise that I was very likely in shock and that nothing I would have done could have helped her. How did you feel?”

“I used to think it was unfair that you’d died while I was still alive.” Elsie admitted. “Mama waited until I was old enough to tell me that what I remembered as you holding me was actually you wrapping your whole body around me to protect me. The car flipped a few times, they didn’t even realise I was there when they first found us. You were already gone, but I was safe.”

Lena felt her eyes filling up with tears. “I know it’s weird that I’m sorry I died, but I really am. I know how hard it is, I know how painful it is… But I’m really glad that you had Kara by your side. I’m sure she made you feel loved and cared for, even when I couldn’t.”

“She did.” Elsie smiled. “But I can’t lie and tell you that I didn’t grow up feeling like something was missing in my life and in my heart.”

Her mother shook her head. “I don’t want you to. I want you to know that I’m here know, and you can use this time to get to know me, to experience me as a person and… As a mother, if you’d like. I know it’s hard since you’re going back to a time where I’m not there, but this is all I can offer for now.”

“I’d love that.” Elsie replied, looking at her. “Mum.”

Lena swallowed hard. “How did that feel?”

“Natural.” Elsie replied. “Also, weird.”

“How so?”

Elsie hesitated. “I’ve never… I’ve never called you mum. Not to your face, anyway. You were always mummy. I guess I was too young to call you mum.”

Lena remained silent, uncertain about how to continue that conversation. She had struggled picturing herself as a mother, with someone willingly calling her “mum”.

She’d been called a lot of things throughout her life.

Orphan.

Ungrateful child.

Bitch.

Luthor scum.

And yet, mum, seemed to be the one to go straight from her ears to her heart.

“People are always commenting on how I should simply call mama ‘mum’.” Elsie continued. “They keep telling me that I don’t need the two terms anymore, as I don’t have two different people to call. It feels wrong, to be honest. I mean, you’re not physically there anymore, but you’re still my mother. Plus, you were the one destined to be ‘mum’.”

 _Mum_.

“I’m sorry, is this weird?”

Lena shook her head. “No, it’s astonishing.”

“How so?”

Her mother smiled. “I grew up thinking that I was too broken to be a mother. I always thought I would ruin my child, that I would raise them to be terrible or that they would end up embodying what it truly means to be a Luthor. I’m sitting here, listening to you talk about your past and how you had to deal with losing me at such a young age and I can’t believe that you’re my daughter. I can’t believe Kara and I created something so magical, so remarkable and so terribly pure. I know you didn’t get to spend much time with me, and I probably didn’t have much impact on why you turned out to be this amazing, but I still hope you learned something from me.”

Before Elsie could reply, Lena finally witnessed what she meant when she said she was fading. Elsie’s left arm suddenly disappeared and the two women both screamed in terror. “What the fuck?”

“This is me disappearing from reality.” Elsie explained. “It happens every now and then, and I’m waiting for it to be permanent. Now, I would never want to pressure you and mama into anything, but if you could possibly speed up the reconciling process…”

Lena shook her head, trying to process what she was looking at. “This is incredible.”

“Now it’s really not the time to be a scientist, mum.” Elsie scoffed.

Her mother glanced at her. “Yeah, you’re right, I’m sorry. I mean, I don’t even know how to deal with this.”

“It’s probably going to go away in a few minutes.” Elsie commented. “We should get some sleep and we’ll figure it out in the morning.”

Lena nodded, getting up from the chair. “Yes, sounds like a plan. Let’s do that.”

“Oh, mum?” Elsie called before walking to her room. “You taught me a lot of things.”

_Dear mum,_

_My therapist seems to think writing a letter to my dead mother might help me deal with the fact that you’re not here. It is as stupid as it sounds, especially because I have no way of giving this to you or of getting any kind of answer. I’m not even sure how it’s supposed to help, but I promised mama I’d try doing whatever she suggested, so here goes nothing._

_She suggested I should start by writing down all the things I wish I could tell you, so I guess we’ll be here a while. She also said not to be too angry when I do write these things, I promise I’ll try my best._

_There’s a lot of things I wish I could tell you. Mainly that I miss you and that I wish you were here. I also wish I could tell you that I dream about you sometimes and I always wake up with this sinking feeling in my stomach because, sadly, those kinds of dreams do not come true._

_I wish I could tell you that I plan on taking over L-Corp when I’m old enough and I will try my best to continue your legacy and keep doing good for the community. I have some plans for it already, but I’m too young to make them come true. Don’t worry, you turned L-Corp into a force for good, and it’ll stay that way._

_I want you to know that I’m happy, satisfied with my life and well cared for. Mama loves me deeply and she makes sure I know how much you loved me, too. She’s always talking about you and about how you made everything brighter, even though you were always a pessimist._

_The tenth anniversary of our accident and your death is coming up soon. I’m not sure how I feel about it, the only thing I know is that mama is trying very hard to hide the crushing pain that still haunts her to this day. I don’t know if she thinks there was something she could have done to prevent the accident from happening._

_I don’t know if I’ll ever get over your death._

_I don’t think I will, but I also think that I shouldn’t. You died too soon, and I realise every single day that there is something missing from our lives. I can tell that the house feels too big for mama and I, your favourite coffee mug is still in the cabinet, and I am almost certain that mama kept all of your clothes somewhere in the house._

_Your death taught me that people can still matter and influence your life even if they’re not there. It taught me that your love was so powerful, I still feel it to this day._

_I think I’ll miss you for the rest of my life._


	8. You are Lovely

Elsie was helping herself to a chocolate muffin when Kara entered the kitchen. She’d asked Lena if she could come over and had waited for Elsie to be up and about before showing up.

“How are you feeling today?”

Elsie shrugged, munching on her muffin. “I wasn’t prepared to see her. I came here thinking that I’d come to see you and that you’d fix my problem in five minutes. I knew that she’d be alive, I don’t know why I didn’t think I’d meet her. It’s been so…”

“Hard?”

Her daughter shook her head. “It’s been fantastic.”

“But you know that you’ll go back to a world where she’s no longer there.” Kara commented.

This time, Elsie nodded. “I don’t remember much of when she was there. I always thought that the stories you told me about her were exaggerated, to make her seem better than she was. You did talk to me about her demons and her fears, but it was always with such love and admiration, that you made it sound like it was part of what it made her the woman you fell in love with it.”

“Because it is.” Kara whispered. “Lena is exceptional, and I am very happy that you got your chance to get to know her. She’s suffered a lot in her lifetime, most people thought all those bad experiences would turn her into a villain, a terrible person. She turned out compassionate, loyal, with a beautiful soul.”

Elsie was the first one to notice Lena standing in the doorway. She was trying to hide how much she felt like crying, even though she wasn’t sure she was doing a good job.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to eavesdrop.” Lena whispered.

Kara shrugged. “It’s alright, I do want you to know all those things.”

“Me too.” Elsie commented. “Especially as the time I spend here might be the only time I actually get to tell you how much you mean to me and how much you managed to shape my life even though you died so early.”

Before Lena could reply, she noticed that Elsie’s right arm was starting to fade again.

“It’s… It’s been happening a lot.” Elsie whispered. “Since last week, I mean.”

Kara sighed. “We’re running out of time.”

“I’m sorry, Elsie.” Lena said. “I’m trying my best.”

Her daughter nodded. “I know, I just wish it was enough.”

After a moment of silent, Elsie sighed. “I’m sorry, I know you guys can’t really speed up feelings or whatever, it’s just… Hard to accept. I mean, something might have happened in your timeline to prevent me from being born, and I guess I find it difficult to understand.”

Kara and Lena looked at each other.

“Would you be okay with spending some time with aunt Alex today?” Lena asked and Kara glanced at her. What did she have in mind?

Elsie nodded. “Only if it’s because you guys need to talk.”

“I have… Some things in mind.” Lena commented.

Kara nodded, knowing well enough that she wanted to discuss Lena’s letter. The brunette had finally found the courage to share it with her and Kara had promised to read it and think about it.

“That sounds like something I most definitely do not want to be here for.” Elsie commented, looking disgusted.

Lena rolled her eyes. “Elsie, my darling, I wouldn’t share that with you.”

“Ah.” Elsie swallowed hard.

Lena looked worried. “What’s wrong?”

“My darling.” Elsie repeated. “That’s… Mama calls me all sorts of pet names, from baby to chocolate sponge cake, but you’ve always called me ‘my darling’. Always and only that.”

Kara sighed happily. “That does sound like us.”

“What? You calling our daughter chocolate sponge cake?”

The blonde shook her head. “No, me going crazy with pet names and you having a very specific one. I think it’s very us.”

“She’s also called me potsticker, cheeky monster and pop-corn.” Elsie commented. “But I think her favourite is Little Lena.”

Kara nodded while Lena rolled her eyes. “I’m great.”

Once they were alone, Lena realised that she didn’t know what to say.

“I read your letter.” Kara whispered.

Lena nodded, looking hopeful. “What did you think?”

“It made me think that I should have persisted more.” Kara admitted. “I wanted to give you space, I thought it was what you needed and, frankly, so did I. I realise now I should have tried talking to you before Elsie appeared in our lives.”

The brunette smiled to herself. “I woke up every day thinking I’d call you, or text you. Then I’d always tell myself you were probably busy, or I was too busy, and we wouldn’t have time to have a proper conversation. I don’t know if I feared confronting you or if I was afraid you’d reject me. I feel like I behaved like a teenager, but sometimes I can’t help it.”

“I get it.” Kara replied. “I think I was doing the same. Wondering whether or not my reaction had made you reject your own feelings and hate me for being a coward.”

Lena shrugged. “My feelings haven’t changed.”

“But?”

“There’s no but. They haven’t changed and I don’t see them changing any time soon.”

The blonde nodded. “I think we’re getting better at communicating. We spent a lot of time trying to be passive aggressive and shutting the other out, when we could have fixed whatever was wrong with a simple discussion about feelings.”

“That would have been too easy though, wouldn’t it?” Lena asked.

Kara smiled. “Would you be okay with going on a date with me?”

“I think I would.” Lena smiled back. “Only if I get to choose the restaurant.”

The blonde sighed. “I’ll let you choose the restaurant… But I’m taking you somewhere before dinner.”

“Fair enough.”


	9. I Don't Believe in Fate

“Are you nervous?”

Lena shook her head. “I’m not sure nervous is the word I’d use to describe my current state of mind. Excited, maybe.”

“But you’re also scared.”

After a moment of silence, Lena nodded. “Very scared. The first time I shared my feelings for Kara I was terrified, because I believed we had a beautiful relationship that I was going to destroy. I think it’s normal to worry about the future of something you cherish as much as I cherish what we have.”

“I think you have nothing to worry about.” Elsie smiled.

Lena rolled her eyes. “That’s because you’re used to us being married, I guess.”

“I never mentioned that you were married.” Her daughter pointed out.

Lena swallowed hard. “No, I mean… I was just guessing. I mean, I don’t know.”

“Do you see that in your future?” Elsie asked, smiling to herself.

Her mother shrugged. “I never pictured myself as a married woman. Not until I met Kara.”

“I’ll take that as a yes.” Elsie grinned. “I still don’t know how I feel about marriage, but I do believe it works for _certain_ people.”

Lena raised an eyebrow at her. “Do you mean for disgusting adults who enjoy embarrassing you?”

“Mostly, yes.” Elsie smiled.

She was married to Kara in the future.

As if the idea of having a family with her wasn’t terrifying enough.

She was also dead in the future, which she wasn’t particularly fond of.

She decided she wasn’t going to live her life basing her choices and happiness on Elsie’s future, as she knew things could always change. Both in a good or in a bad way.

Lena was terrified of the idea of having a child.

She’d grown up thinking that she wasn’t meant to be a mother, because all her trauma was going to come back and haunt her, making her a terrible parent. She didn’t want to have kids and force them to grow up like she had.

“What are you wearing?” Elsie asked after a while. She’d been looking at Lena frantically going through the entirety of her closed for at least one hour and, even though she was mostly enjoying herself, she was kind of bored.

Lena stopped and sighed. “I’m not sure. This?”

Elsie looked at the dress she was holding up and smiled. “It seems perfect.”

“Your eyes tell me that there’s a story behind this dress.” Lena commented. “I’m not sure you should share more about our future, though.”

Her daughter smiled again. “There is a story, yes. I do believe you’re right, so I won’t share it with you.”

“I think there are a lot of little things that you’re not sharing but that I’ll eventually figure out.” Lena said. “And I think it’ll be lovely when I do figure them out. Like having a small gift from future you.”

Elsie nodded. “You get those small moments and I get to bring actual memories of you back to the future with me.”

“Win win.” Lena smiled. “Do you want to go and spend the rest of the day with mama? I have some things to take care of at L-Corp.”

“I’d love to do that.” Elsie replied. “I could go for one of our binge-eating contests.”

Lena sighed. “Who’s the champion?”

“You already know who it is.” Elsie replied.

Her mother nodded as they walked back to the living room. “You’ll defeat her, one day.”

“Will you tell me how the date went tomorrow at breakfast?”

Lena nodded. “Of course.”

Together, they walked in silence to Lena’s car. The older woman had learned to enjoy Elsie’s company, especially after the reveal and finally realising why her daughter was behaving so strangely around her. With days passing, Lena had noticed that Elsie was slowly starting to warm up to her, constantly asking questions and being generally cheerful.

She reminded her of Kara, in the sweetest possible way.

“I have noticed one thing.” Elsie asked once they were in the car.

Lena nodded to herself. “What would that be?”

“You’ve never asked me if mama found someone else after your death.” Elsie commented. “I don’t know why, but I was almost certain it’d be one of the first things you’d ask.”

Her mother was silent for a moment, pretending to focus on the road. “I have thought about it quite a bit.”

“But?”

“I’ve figured out that it shouldn’t be my main concern.” Lena explained. “And I’m not sure I want to know the truth.”

Elsie nodded. “Interesting.”

“How so?”

Her daughter shrugged. “I was thinking that feelings are hard to deal with and I can’t imagine how it must be for you to come to terms with these feelings while also knowing that you won’t be there for a long time.”

“Yeah, I do struggle with the idea of not being there for the long run. Especially when it comes to the time I have with you.” Lena replied. “It’s hard to deal with all these feelings while knowing that I won’t really have much time to explore them. I’m not even sure if that makes any sense.”

Elsie nodded. “It kind of does. It’s surreal.”

“All I want is for you and Kara to be happy and safe.” Lena commented.

Her daughter was silent for a moment. “Yeah, I know.”

Lena could detect a hint of sadness in her daughter’s voice. It only took her a second to realise that Elsie probably believed that Lena had died because she was trying to protect her. There was of course no way of knowing what had actually happened, and Lena knew it didn’t really matter.

“I’m sorry.”

Elsie sighed. “No need to be sorry. Mama always tells me that one of the things that made her fall for you was how you would always put yourself after the people you loved.”


	10. Can You Love Me Most?

_“Mama, do you have any idea where my blue striped socks are?”_

_Elsie walked into her mother’s room, only to find her looking at a couple of dresses in her wardrobe. She looked at her for a moment, confused by her mother’s expression. “What’s wrong?”_

_Kara shook her head, smiling to herself. “Nothing’s wrong, sweetheart.”_

_“You know I don’t like being annoying, but it does sound like something’s wrong.”_

_Her mother turned around to face her, and Elsie gasped. “You’ve been crying!”_

_Kara was a crier, and it was something she’d never tried hiding from her daughter. Elsie had seen her on her worst nights, especially right after Lena’s death, when she couldn’t seem to find a way to stop bawling her eyes out. She’d told herself that she was supposed to be strong for Elsie but what was the point of lying if it only meant that her daughter wouldn’t understand how much her mother’s death had affected her?_

_Kara didn’t want to lie to her child._

_Yes, Elsie was only six and needed to be protected at all costs, but she was also an exceptionally smart child who knew when her mother was suffering._

_“I was asked on a date today.” Kara whispered._

_Elsie couldn’t help but notice the shame in her mother’s voice. She also noticed that the older woman couldn’t bring herself to look at her in the eyes and was staring at the ground instead. “I mean, I’m not surprised. It’s not the first time, is it?”_

_“It’s not.” Kara replied, her eyes still focused on the wooden floor. “It is the first time that I’ve said yes, though.”_

_Elsie swallowed hard. “Oh.”_

_“I’m sorry.” Kara breathed hard. “I shouldn’t be talking to you about this. I understand if you’re mad at me, I thought… I just thought it’d be okay.”_

_Her daughter took a step forward, looking at her. “Of course it’s okay. You don’t have to worry about me, mama. It’s been ten years, it was bound to happen…”_

_“It was, wasn’t it?” Kara replied, finally looking at her. “I feel like I’ve spent my whole life worrying about you and how your mother’s death would affect you and how me finding someone else would destroy you… Only to realise that it was me I was trying to protect.”_

_Elsie frowned. “What do you mean?”_

_“It’s been ten years, like you said.” Kara sighed. “I’ve been asked on countless of dates, even though I still wear my wedding band and engagement ring.”_

_She stopped, looking at her left hand._

_She still remembered Lena anxiously asking her to wear both rings on a necklace to avoid losing them during fights, and the countless times she’d said she couldn’t bring herself to. She remembered her wife convincing her to at least wear the engagement ring as a necklace, using the size of the diamond as an excuse. It was also a way to hide her true identity, wearing a basic wedding band was something that anyone could do, but her engagement ring was pretty famous because of who had given it to her._

_“I’ve always said no, it almost felt like I was cheating on your mother.” Kara continued, still looking at her rings. “I said yes today, but the truth is that it still feels wrong.”_

Lena sighed in the passenger seat. “Will you please tell me where we’re going?”

“It would spoil the surprise.” Kara replied. “And we don’t want to do that.”

The brunette rolled her eyes. “Can you at least tell me how long it’ll be? I know you really wanted it to be special, but I’m not feeling this blindfold.”

“We’re about five minutes away.” Kara replied. “Now, stop complaining and tell me how your day went.”

Lena sighed, brushing her fingers on the silky blindfold. “I had what felt like an infinite amount of meetings, which usually means fighting with countless amounts of men on basic problems. Overall a pretty fun day. How about you?”

“I finished my article for tomorrow and then had fun sparring with Alex at the DEO.” Kara replied. “She told me she wanted me to relax before our date.”

The brunette shook her head. “I can’t believe your idea of relaxing is sparring with your sister.”

“I won’t mention the fact that your idea of relax is fighting with adult men.” Kara smiled, only to remember that Lena couldn’t see her. “I’m smiling, by the way.”

Lena nodded. “I can tell.”

They spent the last few minutes of their trip in silence, with Lena growing impatient and Kara silently getting anxious about their date. Once they got to Kara’s secret spot, the blonde parker her car and hurried to Lena’s side to help her out. “We’re here!”

“I still can’t see anything.” Lena commented, and Kara could see that she’d tried raising an eyebrow.

She slowly untied the blindfold from the back of Lena’s head, waiting for the brunette to adjust to the faint light. “Better?”

“Much better.” Lena replied, looking around. “What’s this?”

Kara looked at her. “I thought about where I wanted to take you before our dinner tonight and I knew that I wanted tonight to be special. It didn’t take me long to realise that a place wasn’t going to make tonight special, but the fact that we’re together would.”

“That’s pretty cute.” Lena smiled.

The blonde nodded. “I still wanted to do something to show you how much you mean to me, so I chose to take you here. This is where I fly to when I need to think or, rather, when I need to breathe. This is where I fly to when I need to focus and separate myself from everyone else.”

“Why did you take _me_ here, then?” Lena asked, tilting her head to the side.

Kara took a deep breath, appreciating the familiar smell of the trees, feeling the cold breeze on her skin. “Because I think this is where I am me, the truest me I can possibly be…And I want you to be part of that, now and forever.”


	11. How Could I Ever Love Someone Else?

Elsie noticed that Lena hadn’t said a word.

She had pretended to be asleep when her mother the previous night, not wanting to be too annoying with all the questions she had about the date. Now, sleepy and terrified, Elsie wished she’d asked all the questions she had the night before.

“So…” She began, looking tentatively at her mother. “How are you?”

Lena raised an eyebrow. “Is that really what you wanted to ask me?”

“No, but I’m smart enough that your silence means no questions allowed.” Her daughter replied, looking at her. “I think.”

The older brunette smiled to herself. “Ask away.”

“How was it?”

Lena thought about the previous night.

Everything had seemed perfect then. Every little thing, from the drink she chose to the multiple appetizers Kara had, seemed to fit into her life like a perfect harmony. The way Kara had smiled once she’d asked her if she wanted to get a second dessert had almost melted Lena’s heart.

“Exactly how I wanted it to be.” Lena commented. “Possibly even better.”

Elsie smiled. “I’m not going to get any details, am I?”

“Of course not.”

Her daughter looked at her, a curious smile on her face. Lena realised then how much Elsie resembled Kara and thought she couldn’t picture a life without either of them. What had happened to stone cold Lena Luthor?

“Can I ask you a question?” Lena whispered then.

Elsie nodded, tilting her head slightly to the left. “Anything.”

“How did we have you?” Lena asked but immediately shook her head. “No, wait, you’re not supposed to tell.”

Elsie pursed her lips. “Why do you want to know?”

“I’m not sure if it’s scientific curiosity about human/kryptonian genes or a mother’s need to know everything.” Lena replied. “It’s… I don’t know, you look like me, I can see that but… You also look like her. Or, well, I think you do. I feel like I can see her in you.”

Elsie nodded. “I don’t look like mama, I behave like her. That’s why you can see her in me.”

Lena seemed to consider this for a moment. She understood what Elsie meant, and she felt like she was in love with the idea of their daughter being the perfect mix of the two of them. It was the dream of every parent, getting a child that had picked up the best characteristics of each of them.

“Does that make any sense?”

Lena nodded. “Yes. Strangely enough.”

“You know, I grew up with people often telling me how much my eyes resembled yours.” Elsie whispered. “I never really knew why they’d tell me such a thing. I guess they thought it was to make me feel closer to you, somehow. All it made me feel was like Harry Potter. Kind of haunted by the death of his parents. I remember looking at myself in the mirror and trying to mimic the facial expressions that I’d seen in all your pictures and videos.”

Elsie stopped for a moment, nodding to herself. “Mama caught me doing it once, and she smiled and told me that I didn’t need practice to resemble you.”

“I think she was right.” Lena replied. “I do see a lot of myself in you, and it’s weird. In a good way.”

Her daughter was silently smiling, while looking at her.

“You know, the day I first met you…” Lena sighed. “I was very confused about how I could have a daughter. Then, when I realised I had a family with Kara… I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t even want to speak to her, how was I meant to have a family with her? I do know that Kara’s my future, I think I’ve known for a long time… But I was also certain that it wouldn’t happen anymore, I was sure I’d somehow managed to ruin my dream.”

Elsie wiped the tears from her face. “Mama never moved on. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or not, but I think it says a lot about her love for you. She’s always been very honest with me, so that’s how I know she’s been asked on _a lot_ of dates, even though she keeps wearing both her engagement and wedding ring.”

“I see.”

Her daughter took a deep breath. “She was meant to go on a date a few weeks before I came here, and I found her crying in your bedroom because she felt like it was wrong. Not because of me, but because of you… Even though it’s been ten years. Ten years of you not being there, and she’s still madly in love with you.”

Lena started crying then. She didn’t know how to respond, she didn’t even know if Elsie expected her to say anything. She chose to stay silent, unable to catch her breath as tears streamed down her face.

“I’m not sure if I was supposed to tell you all this, but I do know that you have a tendency to doubt that anyone could ever love you the way you deserve to be loved.” Elsie continued. “Trust me when I say that you’ve found that someone, and you have not ruined your dream. I don’t think anything is ever going to completely destroy the love that you guys share, even though it might be slightly different from what I’ve seen in my time.”

Her mother swallowed hard. “Thank you.”


	12. I'm Down on My Knees Again

They had gotten into the habit of having dinner together every night. It usually meant that Kara would go to Lena’s house before the brunette was even finished with work, so that they could manage to eat at a decent time.

Sometimes, especially when Kara had to work late, it meant eating indecent amounts of takeaway, while talking about their day and future plans. It would always end with Elsie eventually going to bed and Kara and Lena spending time together on the balcony.

“I’ve been keeping a secret.” Lena whispered one night.

Kara looked at her. “A secret?”

Elsie frowned. “What kind of secret?”

“I’ve been working on a time portal.” Lena replied, looking at the ground. “I didn’t say anything before because I was certain in wouldn’t work, but I think it’s now almost ready to go.”

Her statement was met with silence, with both Elsie and Kara staring at her, the food long forgotten. “Well, I thought you’d at least say something.”

“No, yeah, I mean.” Kara blurted out. “It’s great! Amazing, very good work.”

She turned towards her and kissed her, trying hard to smile and make it seem like she was genuinely happy about it.

Elsie nodded. “Yes, amazing work.”

“Wow, you guys are terrible liars.” Lena commented. “I get it, I will for sure miss Elsie, but I think it’s time.”

Her daughter frowned. “Is it, though?”

“I think your mother and I are slowly getting to where we need to be for you to be born.” She commented, smiling softly. “And I really don’t want future Kara to have a heart attack.”

Kara smiled. “I agree on both points, but it’s… Sad.”

“I know. I wish it never had to happen, but Elsie… My darling, you need to go back.” Lena commented, looking at her daughter. “We’ve done everything in our power to save your life, it looks like you’ve stopped randomly fading out of existence, and we can’t keep you here forever. It might alter your future.”

Elsie swallowed hard. “I know. But you’re here, not there.”

“I know you didn’t come here thinking to see me, and I can only imagine how hard it must be for you to go back to a world where I’m dead.” Lena replied, looking sad. “But you have to go back, you unfortunately don’t belong here.”

Elsie groaned. “Of course, I don’t belong anywhere. A stupid child destined to grow up with one parent.”

Before either Kara or Lena could reply, Elsie stormed off and went to her room, slamming the door behind her back.

“So that’s what having a teenager feels like.” Lena commented.

Kara was staring at the spot where Elsie had been sitting. “Why did you say that?”

“Why did I say what?” Lena asked, looking confused.

The blonde gestured vaguely. “All of that, from the time portal to Elsie not belonging here.”

“Because it’s the truth?” Lena sighed. “Did you really think we could keep her here forever? Kara, I get why she’s upset, but you really shouldn’t be. Please, don’t be a stubborn teenager.”

Kara got up, shaking her head. “I do see parenting as being a team, and we’re failing even before our daughter’s born.”

Lena was left speechless as she watched Kara walk away. “What in the bloody hell was that?”

The next morning, she woke up thinking that everything would go back to normal and she’d come back to a happy house. She got ready for work, drank her morning coffee in her car, and took care of her morning phone calls and emails before heading into her first meeting.

She had lunch by herself while going through emails, sort of hoping for a text from either Elsie or Kara, feeling a bit upset when neither reached out. She figured they’d catch up that night at dinner, and went on about her day.

She drove home and was surprised to walk into a silent house, then rolled her eyes when she found a note on the living room coffee table.

_“Mama and I had plans tonight, see you tomorrow.”_

She threw the note in the garbage, bracing herself for a night of paperwork and expensive whiskey. “I could have stayed at the office.”

A few hours later, she was woken up by someone shaking her. “Mum, mum, wake up.”

“What?” She shook her head, failing to understand what was going on. “What happened? What time is it? Are you okay? Is your mother okay?”

She quickly realised that Elsie was standing in front of her, looking preoccupied. “I need to talk to you.”

“What happened?” She asked again, slightly panicked. “Are you okay?”

“Stop panicking.” Elsie whispered, sitting next to her. “Yes, I’m fine.”

“Kara?”

Her daughter nodded again. “Also fine.”

“Alright.” Lena whispered, yawning. “Something’s wrong.”

Elsie sighed loudly, shaking her head. “I just wanted to say I’m sorry about last night.”

“Like I’ve told you the first time we met.” Lena began. “You don’t need to apologize about your feelings.”

Elsie looked at her. “You’ve also told me that knowing how to properly express your feelings, no matter how big they might be, makes you a great human being.”

“I don’t remember saying that to you.” Lena commented. “Or to anyone, really.”

Her daughter smiled at her. “You’ve said that to me when I was four. I was only a child, but I doubt I’ll ever forget that moment. It is possible that mama recording it might have helped with me remembering it so vividly, but I still cherish it.”

“Wow, I’m impressed.” Lena smiled back. “Let’s do it, then. Let’s properly express our feelings.”

Elsie nodded. “I’m scared. Terrified. Mainly because I’m going back to a future where you’re not there, but what if I’m going back to a future where _I’m_ also not there? Or what if mama’s not there? My trip here might have changed a lot, and I might have failed at restoring your relationship.”

“I can see why you’d be terrified.” Lena replied. “I’m also terrified. I’m terrified of you getting hurt, terrified of my relationship with your mother, terrified of having a baby. But… What’s life without fear? We can’t know what will happen once you’ve walked through that portal as much as I have no way of knowing what will happen between Kara and I, but we have to keep going.”

The younger brunette seemed to consider this for a moment. “We have to keep going.”


	13. You Gave Me Peace

_“I’m sorry I didn’t make it this morning.” Kara whispered. “It’s… It doesn’t matter, I’m sorry. I’m here now.”_

_She looked at the flowers she was holding before placing them next to Lena’s picture. She was silent for a moment, trying not to shake as tears streamed down her face. She straightened her dress, taking a deep breath to calm herself. “I didn’t think today would be as hard as it seems to be.”_

_“I’ve been coming here every single day, and yet…” She sighed. “Today seems to be harder than usual.”_

_She knew it’d be hard. She’d lost her wife, the love of her life, the mother of her child. She wasn’t prepared for how hard it had turned out to be, between the sleepless nights and the anxiety for her daughter._

_She shook her head, reminding herself that no answer was coming. “I keep forgetting that you can’t speak. That you’ll never speak again.”_

_“Anyway, Elsie’s doing good.” She whispered. “I have convinced myself that you’re watching over her, so you know that she’d going great. You know, the more she grows up, the more she looks like you. She’s highly intelligent, I’m afraid I won’t be able to keep up. I’m not saying I’m stupid, but she’s… Well, she’s like you.”_

_She smiled to herself, still staring at Lena’s picture. “She keeps asking about you, and it breaks my heart to have to remind her that you’re not coming back. She knows that you’re not, but I guess it’s hard for her to accept that she won’t see you ever again. I guess it’s hard for me, too.”_

_“Like I said, she’s very smart.” Kara continued. “But she’s also a child who’s lost her mother in a tragic accident.”_

_She closed her eyes, letting a few tears fall to the ground. “I’m trying, Lena, I really am. But it’s so hard. It feels like everything is hard, from getting up in the morning to making dinner at night. Everything I do wears me down, and I hate going to bed at night knowing that you won’t be there. I keep telling myself that I need to be strong for Elsie, but how? How do I do that?”_

_“I don’t even know why I keep talking to you.” She sighed, looking at the ground. “I’ve convinced myself that you can still hear me and, even though you can’t reply, you’re here to listen. I wish I could have you back for one day. One day for Elsie to get to know you. One day for me to hold you.”_

_She looked at the flowers once more before turning around and walking away. “Happy anniversary.”_

Lena took a deep breath. “I want us to go slow.”

“Come again?” Kara asked, looking confused. They were standing on Lena’s balcony together, looking at the cars driving past. It was the middle of the day, and they had decided to take a break from work together.

The brunette turned to face her. “I know we’re supposed to have a child pretty soon, but I still want us to take things slow. I don’t want us to get married simply because Elsie is supposed to be born. I want us to get married when and if we want to. I want us to start trying for a child when we are ready. I love Elsie but rushing into things is like signing up for failure.”

“I agree with you.” Kara replied, nodding. “Do you want to get married? I’m not asking right now, I’m curious to know if you’re into marriage and stuff.”

Lena shrugged. “I’m not hugely into it, as in… I don’t think being married to someone makes you love them more, or that it makes you more committed to them… But I kind of get why people do it.”

“I see.” Kara replied. “I think I grew up imagining myself getting married in a white dress, with a million people watching, a tall man by my side… Now I think my idea of an ideal wedding has shifted slightly.”

Lena smiled to herself. “How weird would it be if I only cared about the tall man by your side being different now?”

“Weird enough for me to want to kiss you.” Kara whispered, closing the distance between them and kissing her. “Is it bad that I kind of want to ask Elsie if we’re married in her future?”

Lena smiled at her. “We are.”

“How do you know?” Kara asked, gasping.

The brunette grinned. “She told me right before our first date.”

“She told you?” Kara shook her head. “That evil mini Luthor.”

Lena shrugged. “She didn’t really tell me that day, but I gathered enough information to figure it out by myself, then she confirmed it. You’re not just my baby mama in the future.”

“Oh, don’t call me that.” Kara gagged. “I like wife better, anyway.”

The brunette rolled her eyes. “I was really into calling you baby mama.”

“We’ll see about that.” Kara replied. “I can’t believe we’re actually having this conversation.”

Lena smiled. “It still feels surreal. We have a child. _Together_.”

“This conversation started with you saying you wanted to go slow.” Kara pointed out. “And you’re now telling me that we have a child.”

The younger woman shrugged. “I mean, we technically don’t have a child, yet.”

“But we know we will eventually have one.” Kara replied. “And I kind of love the idea.”

Lena looked surprised. “You do?”

“Yeah, I’ve been loving our time with Elsie.” Kara commented. “And I can’t wait for our future together.”

Lena smiled to herself. “I feel the same way, and I guess knowing about Elsie takes away some of the anxiety surrounding a new relationship.”

“I suppose it does.” Kara commented. “I don’t have to wonder if it’ll work or not, because I know it will.”

The brunette pursed her lips. “I mean, I still wonder sometimes, nothing says our future will remain the same.”

“Well, I do have some ideas on what I’d change.”


End file.
